Why Talk About Death?

The core of my work is simply talking about death openly and candidly. Doing so can feel like letting out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. It can release tension in the body that is being held without your knowledge. It can bring up emotions long suppressed so they can be experienced, validated and let go. This newfound comfort and freedom allows for several big changes in our lives. These are four primary reasons it’s important to talk openly about death.

To Live a Better Life

Knowing we are mortal is a primal fear that deeply impacts our life and choices, whether we are aware of it or not. For most of us, this fear is latent in our denial of our mortality. By accepting, and even embracing, we can gain clarity on what really matters to us in life, and find the courage to follow that clarity. My work is a form of “life coaching” that assists my clients to gain clarity and overcome obstacles, first and foremost the fear of death.

To Die With Grace

Dylan Thomas famously wrote that we should “rage against the dying of the light.” I disagree. Life is not light and death is not dark, though our fear of death has led us to communally accept this. Death is simply a part of life, as life is a part of death. To rage against death is to rage against life. Even the word “rage” is full of fear and aggression. It is the opposite of grace. Rather than raging at death from a place of denial and fear, let us strive to embrace all life, including its final act. Let us die with grace, not rage.

To Better Support and Connect with Loved Ones Who Are Dying

For most of us, we will experience the deaths of several loved ones before we ourselves die. For those still bound by their own fear of death, who haven’t shifted their own relationship to mortality, being able to positively support and connect with a dying loved one can be challenging or sometimes not possible. It is our cultural standard to deny death until we are forced to suddenly face it, without forethought, practice or skill, which may be why so many of us are left feeling helpless to provide comfort and support to our dying loved ones. By improving our relationship with death we open the door to better be there for our loved ones as they move towards death.

To Better Process Grief

Grief is natural and it is healthy. It is likely to be felt regardless of our relationship with death. The difference is whether we have begun shifting our comfort with death and developed the tools to better process grief in advance. Farmers who tend their soil, maintain their tools and have a good stock of seed are better positioned to weather a storm. By talking about death we create comfort, skills and resilience that can be drawn upon during and after the death of a loved one.